I remember someone telling me about some phases that every person goes through in their life. The first phase is being born. The second phase is growing up. The third phase is falling in love (if they decide to fall in love). The fifth phase is settling down. The last one is dying.
I’m in my 20’s and I’m currently going through the second and the third phase. I met some men in my life who created stories with me but we never ended up together in a relationship. We always ended up as good friends who will help each other whenever we need each other’s help.
But, everything has changed in 2022. I believe that 2022 is one of the turning points in my life. I would say, it’s the biggest turning point. I can’t remember it clearly but I’ve known this guy since July 2021. For some people, the beginning of our story would be funny because it doesn’t make any sense.
Since that time, we’ve been talking to each other. Stupid me. I never realized that guy had been hitting on me since 2021. The worst thing is I was still enjoying all the fun and games era. I fell for that person but I decided to ignore my feelings. Again, stupid me.
In August 2022, he confessed and I did the same thing. Knowing that my fun and games era had to come to and end, I decided to leave everything behind. I wanted to start the new one with my beloved one. Our relationship isn’t always about rainbows. We went through ups and downs. We fought but we reconciliated. Being in that relationship is one of the happiest things for me.
Without my knowing, he has been one of my routines. He has been one of my motivations to wake up every day and to get through the day. His notifications never fail to make me smile. Spending the night by talking to him is one of the things that I enjoy the most. Oh, my friends must be bored of listening to me whenever I talk about him.
I still remember the first day we talked to each other on the phone, I was blushing. I couldn’t hide my happiness! I never thought that his deep voice would be my favorite. I was the talkative one and he was the listener. We completed each other.
I was really excited to meet him in Jakarta. The thought of having him in my arms before he left again really made me happy. At least, I could tell him directly how much he meant for me. But, we couldn’t make it.
I hate to say this but everything has their own time. Oh, I really hate this part. Our relationship was falling down and we decided to walk on our own paths. It’s not an easy decision. I remember crying my eyes out that night. The fact that we broke up was a nightmare for me. The thought of the future and the dream we hadㅡ they kept me awake that night.
The failure of our relationship isn’t our fault. We had done our best in our relationship and that’s the most important thing. The next Sunday, my cousins took me out to FOGO in Sudirman. On our way, we passed by Menara Karya, I was silenced all the time. I thought we would go home after eating but we were going to Senayan City and we passed by Palmerah. On that day, everything reminds me of him.
Everything isn’t easy and I’m still getting used to my new routines. Sometimes, whenever I find something that reminds me of him, I’m holding myself not to tell him. In fact, the urge to talk to him is huge but I don’t want to burden him.
The moment he reaches me out, no matter what the reason is, I am happy. The next Monday, I helped him to buy some shirts. He looked so happy and it made me happy. I guess, happiness comes from a simple thing. Right?
Do I miss him? Yes, I do. I really do. In fact, I still find myself missing him. Especially, during the nights.
“What is he doing?”
“Is he doing fine?”
“Did he eat and take a rest properly?”
I still find myself worrying about him.
He’s not perfect because everyone has their own flaws. But, he’s enough. Being with him always makes me feel enough. He always has his own way to take care of me.
I’m not perfect and there were also some moments where I pissed him off and hurt him. I’m so sorry, I really am.
I’ve learnt a lot from him. He’s a blessing and also a lesson at the same time. I’ve learnt not to give up easily and I’ve learnt that there are some things that couldn’t be controlled by me.
His existence is a blessing for me.
The fact that I was his girlfriend really made me proud. My friends know it too. I never thought that I could love someone this much.
Thank you for the love that never makes me feel lonely.
Thank you for being one of the sources of my happiness.
Thank you for all the memories.
I’m not mad at him.
I don’t hate him.
I don’t hold any grudges against him.
He’s one of the best things in my life.
I know that we’re not together anymore but I’ll always pray for you. I hope you’ll always have the strength to get through any circumstances. I never put any expectations on you but I have a faith that you’ll get through it.
I want you to win in this life and live your life in every best possible way. I believe that you can make your dreams come true. You deserve it. You deserve to be happy. I’ll always support you wholeheartedly. I promise you.
Whenever you need my help or someone to talk to, I’m sure you know how to hit me up. You’re not alone. Best of luck!
